Saturday, December 5, 2009

Guaranteed Delivery

Today I went to the Post Office (PO) on Oracle.  I like it better than Sun Station on Speedway but not as much as the one on River.  Anyway, there was a woman there sending 40 boxes to our troops.  I wondered what was inside of them...cookies?  magazines?  cards?  I almost started crying.  So beautiful. This was contrasted by the rest of us in line and the government employees behind the counter.  That’s right!  Plural.  There WAS more than ONE this time!  

I had just come from the gym with (hungry) baby girl in tow and 2 packages to mail.  I dislike going to the PO but getting two Christmas gifts mailed THIS early in the month was worth it; especially since I was neglectful with the Christmas gifts last year.  side note: Mommy brain is ‘insane in the membrane’ and last Christmas I had a 3 month old.  My apologies y'all!  I found myself debating which was worse: 1)make several manageable trips to the PO with gifts and baby or 2)make one big trip to the PO with gifts and baby.  I concluded that there is NEVER a good time to go to the PO and have chosen option #1.  Blegch.  More leg work but qualitatively less anxiety for me.  

While waiting patiently for the 687 people before me, I remembered that the PO is actually run by our US Government.  If you tamper with mail or a mailbox it is a federal offense.  And, if you want to claim a patent for an idea you should write it down and mail it to yourself through the US mail with a stamp.  I don't know if that's for real but I heard it.  Then I was thinking how fun it would be to see these PO clerks move behind desks in the Senate or Congress...and what would the differences be in how or country runs?  Short answer: probably none.  Would women (or other men) find them more attractive all close-shaven and manicured up with shiny moisturized skin and hands...with a fragrance other than Right Guard or Old Spice on...with the palpable sense of power and *atoritay*...with spit-shined leather shoes stepping out of a car they aren’t driving?!  I was laughing secretly at what ‘Mr. Mudflap-hair-Bald-head’ would look like in a grey-pinstripe-3 piece suit carrying a briefcase or how ‘Mr. Grey-haired-Crazy-eyes” would look addressing the House with his shoulder-length hair and beard.  Would they mumble less?  Walk with some swagger?  Smile?  Then, switch!  What would our Representatives look like sitting behind the counter selling the invisible transport of our goods, our bills, our presents?  Selling the promise of delivery.  

Both the PO and our elected Representatives hold a part of our fate.  One more than the other and depending on the time of year I think, or at least I think they’d like you to think.  They’re both pushing real paper goods and guaranteeing delivery of our unseen things of value; using chapped and chubby fingers to punch in numbers and determine a balance owed.  They’re both in uniform.  They’re both calculating cost versus guarantee.  I feel helpless with both, at different times of year.

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