Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Another Silent Night

In fitness, sometimes we say pain is weakness leaving your body.  But can't weakness entering your body also feel like pain?  Sadness also brings pain. Disappointment and unmet expectations do also.  If you sow pain then you'll reap pain.  Does anything hurt more than a broken heart?  I don't want to have to find out.  Pain is an early signal of trouble. Why do we ignore it sometimes?  Why do some of us ignore it all the time?  Why do I?  Wouldn't some pain help us out?  It should function as a tool, some kind of emotional bumper or a physical yellow light.  SLOW DOWN.  PUT ON THE BRAKES GIRL!  DANGER DANGER DANGER.  TRAINWRECK AHEAD.   YOUR LIFE WILL BE A DISASTER ON THIS ROUTE.  THIS CHOICE IS THE EQUIVALENT OF HITTING YOUR HEAD ON THE WALL REPEATEDLY.  YOU ARE SET ON A COLLISION COURSE.  I feel like my internal OnStar has been misaligned and misguiding me!

I took my driving school class today.  It was enlightening.  I had time to think about the people around me.  I had time to be amazed by how many people were there for speeding!  side note: I was there for failure to yield.  I was amazed to learn that Driving While Drowsy is more lethal than DUI. I was amazed how and why so many people justify speeding and being in a hurry.  WHY WHY WHY?  Is it worth your life?  Living our lives at an illegal pace is a good metaphor I think for Americans.  side note: I totally burned  out in college, had an awakening and decided I wanted to work to live, not live to work.  I'm still missing something though.  I must still be speeding.  After returning home and busting out an epic 80-minute run I was hit with more questions than realizations.  What is sadness?  What is hurt?  Is there one definition for pain?  Why are so many people depressed?  Who is a victim?  Why are some people so much more sensitive than others?  Why are some more vengeful and resentful?  Why is it so hard to forgive?  Why is it so hard to move on?  What is the best way to love others? One term I learned today was "proceed with caution".

If the answers to all of these questions come to me in 90 minutes of hot yoga tomorrow, then I'm sure I'll be in a lot of pain.  Yes, I feel weak because I don't know the answers to these questions.  Maybe the birth of the answers will be painful.  Maybe the realization won't.  I'll let you know how it goes.  Maybe answers won't be painful, maybe the heat and the moves will be.  They'll have to mop me and my too-small-Soffee shorts off of the floor with my puddle o sweat.  Think Dali's Persistence of Memory.  Uuugh.  The melted clocks.  The ants.  The skinny-legged horse!  My brain hurts.  I'm skeered.  Note to self: proceed with caution.

No matter what your situation I wish you a peaceful holiday.  That is the wish I am giving b/c it is the one I would most like to receive.

Here's where I hope to blossom into my best self:

 All y'all proceed with caution!  Have some herbal tea or something.  :)


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