What If; Namaste

So I think I feel less creative vibes throughout Summer as evidenced by my lack of posts.  I'm mellow.  I'm chillin'.  I'm FRAPPIN MELTING and just trying to STAY ALIVE in this HEAT and BUGGY MISERY.  Ugh!

Anyway, I move out next Wednesday.  I think about love daily.  Hourly.

As I sit in my bed typing this I am surrounded by 12 boxes of my stuff.  I don't love my stuff!  It's stuff.   Keep reading...

What if the most perfect, honorable, un-judgemental, perfect, karmic-ly even way to love someone is to let them go and let them be?

That's what I want for myself.  That's what I wish for for my loved ones.

Namaste.

Rebellion Target

Thought on the radar lately:
What would I rebel against if I weren't rebelling against marriage?

Second blip:
Why am I rebelling?

Surfing

THIS is beautiful and creative.  Love it!
Tarp Surfing

In other news I got a used training potty and baby G voluntarily hopped on it tonight before our shower and peed.  Really.  I know this can mean absolutely nothing but it was cool.  She'll wander into the bathroom with me when I use the toilet, so the concept isn't entirely foreign to her.

In other small parenting successes, at least for this weekend, I have gotten her to "brush" her teeth and stand still by using lotion as her reward.  Adorable!  We're both growing up! *pat on the back*

I'm kind of proud to say that she's precocious and will go right up and say hi to new kids that are older than her.  Some of the children at the pool looked to be 8 or 9!  Go baby G.  Stoked!  One mother said she was "brave".  She can hold her own I think in part b/c of Chalco and Japer.  She's got a very strong maternal streak we've noticed lately.

She has definitely had a growth spurt; her legs are rocketing go-go-gadget style.  The cute itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini no longer fits!

The past few months have brought closure and packing has commenced!

Even though I grew up at the beach, I never really learned how to surf.  Maybe I'll make it a vacay on the West Coast.  I like the idea of having to understand the weather and how to read the water and to be respectful of nature and other people and creatures and to.be.present.  DUDE.  ;)

Lazy Wednesday; Blue-Collar baby

Free Energy

Ok, I have been holding out on y'all.  My life is about to get so much simpler.  I.am.stoked.  I will have so much free energy to spend, after these past 53 weeks of limbo, I know I will asexually sprout a twin.  In fact, my doppelganger has already been spotted at Lake Havasu.  Sweet!  I hope she's hotter than my actual self, and with BIGGER BOOBS!

I am so thankful and have found peace and quiet.  Lately I have just been hot and tired...which is why I haven't posted.  I even returned the 6 books I wanted to read,  back to the library.  I am thankful that when I go to lift there is a slap-in-the-face of cold air conditioning that helps me move some iron!  I missed a phonecall last night at 10:16 because I was so sound asleep!

I successfully managed a potential horrible conflict at work.  This one included name calling, a Menudo Debate, and NOT involving a 3rd party.  Everyone made up and we celebrated at El Guero Canelo.  I treated the other person how I would want to be treated and humbled myself when I learned I.was.wrong.  Warm fuzzies all around.

On the topic of food however, we FINALLY got a new stove.  The old one blew it on Memorial Day weekend.  I have been thankful for the microwave and crockpot for sure!  Today I fixed a macaroni and cheese with ham and peas and tomatoes, FROM SCRATCH.  I had not been able to make a bechamel sauce on the old stove and I was surprised how amazingly simple it was.  Baby G gulped it up.  Same with my Chickpea soup last night.  I will probably post an analogy later about cooking with an old, *too hot* stove, in the dark as compared to my new stove.  The art of cooking is so.much.easier!

Lastly, the basil plant I bought at TJs is thriving in benign neglect.  I decided to try Basil Ice Cream using about 3T fresh basil instead of the mint in this recipe:
Chocolate Mint Ice Cream

Again, the photos will not do it justice but you should know that baby G wanted to scrape out the frozen bowl of the mixer and was still doing so after 10 minutes.  Badow!  This stuff is.that.good!

So, happy *official* summer to everyone!  I hope you are stoked enough to grow your own twin!

Thursday; Thoughtful and Thankful

air conditioning
clean, crisp sheets
advil
pacifiers
learning I can microwave pasta (stove is still broken)
a day off (from the gym)
coloring with crayons; I am fond of the glitter ones
coupons
sunset
a fenced-in backyard
Burt's Bees Bugspray
the beer selection at 1702 :) and specifically Left Hand Milk Stout
laughter at lunchtime
Fathers and Father's Day
my leopard-print bikinis specifically b/c they make me happy
a full tank of gas
4 full bellies
bedtime
completing so much of my "to do" list it's RIDICULOUSLY awesome

Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini

Bedmates

Woah there gentle reader(s).  Not that kind!

I have been thinking how sweet it is that both my doggies like to chill in my room.  They are our guard dogs.

I removed my bed frame to hopefully encourage Chalco; 8yrs old, to hop on up with me but his hips are just horrible.  I remove his collar every night also to let his neck dry out and try to retard the growth of bacteria and yeast.  Chalco is my high maintenance dog.  Jasper however is always ready to fill the other 1/2 of my bed.  He is happy-go-lucky, eager to please, and somewhat spastic.  Early this morning he was perpendicular to my body.  Uncomfortable.  Right now he is parallel to me.  There is something peaceful about a sweet puppy curled up in a ball, breathing slowly, legs twitching as he runs through dreamland.  Adorable and calming. That mildly-musky, semi-dry doggie smell is comforting.

My friend KL asked if I needed an intervention.  "Dogs instead of a man?!"  She gave me the look.  Well, both can keep you warm, are comforting, are protectors, and like to snuggle and FART.  But a dog won't get offended when you tell him that his *ss is stanky...you know?!?!  Gentle reader, I hope you are at least smiling.

My boys (Chalco and Jasper) are the best.  What a privilege to live with dogs.  They remind me how sweet and simple our world can be.  

"3 close friends"

Finding Inspiration; recharge

So I have anew colleague at work which is.totally.awesome.  I have someone to talk to during the day now which may be why I have less to post and/or write about.  He landed in lab as one of my best friends transitioned out of lab and onto the job.of.her.dreams in the far hinterlands.

So I am brainstorming trying to think of something to write about.  It's not Wed so I can't just throw up a photo.  It's not Thu so I can't ramble about what I'm thankful for.  I could turn to music or the weather or the animals or my daughter or pending-ex-husband (see yesterday's post) but eh.  I could write about food or bevies or nothing at all.

But I want to write something.  I want to write about sitting outside yesterday, basking in the sun, listening to music in my rhinestoned leopard-print bikini for 6 hours.  It.was.heaven.  And then I went to dinner ALONE and sat outside and stared at the Catalinas as someone else served my dinner to me!  Yes!  I had a mommy's day off and it was about appreciating and enjoying the little things.  Like getting to turn all the AC vents onto myself rather than sacrifice airflow for the backseat :)  Like getting to CRANK up my stereo all the way and ride with the sunroof open without a care for anyone else's hearing or skin, or long-term damage to any of the above! It was about ordering lunch at Subway without a concern for what I can share easily and should I get banana peppers or not.  It was about getting to close my eyes for real.  It was about going to the bathroom and using the toilet alone.  It was about not listening for my child's voice; I think I have grown an extra brain lobe specifically for this task.  It was about allowing myself to think freely without wondering how to narrate every situation for a 21-month old to understand.  A sensory semi-deprivation.  I'll be honest, it was great!  And relaxing.  But I thought about her almost every minute and I missed her voice and smile and hugs with those skinny arms.

It was refreshing to recharge.

Speaking of, I have had a glass of red wine the past few nights.  Delicious!  Something must be up with the flora b/c my stomach has been kind of a nervous mess.  It's probably the pending changes.  Psychosomatic;  I'm digesting things.  Hmph.

Additionally, if I am recharging, from where is this energy coming?  Is the universe a closed system?  Isn't it cool to think that fat is stored energy in the form of useable carbons?  Yes, I am embracing full nerd-dom here!

Another Haiku

Since one of the haikus I posted here is getting ready to be published (awesome) I'll try another:

So glad to be done

You're going to be forty one

I'm not your mommy

Thoughtful Thursday

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately.  A.LOT.  You know, important things like this:

Did the snake in the front yard eat the 12 baby quails I saw crossing the driveway earlier in the week?

Will Chalco's neck ever heal?

What if the speed at which we (over)eat is linked to 'our' morbid obesity?  Consider the rate of consumption, amount of processing, and rate of digestion.

What if our entire bodies are physically under-stressed but emotionally over-worked?

Can I change this?  Yes!  I need to find my lifting gloves.

I don't think we were designed for this 21st century lifestyle.  But we can adapt and compensate.

If the energy constant in the universe is a *constant*, from where was the energy borrowed for the 5 agave in the yard to bloom?

Maybe the oil spill in the Gulf?  :(

Does my water aerobics class just want me to put on a dog and pony show?

I have almost 6000 songs on my ipod!

When is it too late to grow up?  Do you miss a timetable or something?  Should you care?

What would 'we' be doing differently if we all had limitless money and time?

What would we do differently if we knew our days were numbered?

How many meals a week of beans will it take for me to live below my means?

How bad is that gonna suck?!  Or smell... :(  Ramen is cheaper!

If you have more pets than people under your roof does that make you a Redneck?

I hope I don't miss the recycling truck tomorrow morning.

I hope baby G doesn't get the virus I had earlier this week.  I thought it was (violent) food poisoning.

I'm thankful we don't get sick often.

WHEN will they be DONE with construction on Magee?

HOW much hotter will it get?  And, BRING IT ON!!!!!!!!!

If we treated Mexico and Canada like brothers (or sisters) in our big North American family, and their citizens like our nieces and nephews, how would things be different?  Seems like the US likes to play Big Brother quite often anyway...

How can someone be a gentle shepherd and a fierce warrior?

Which bikini should I wear tomorrow?  How tan will I get?

How often is miscommunication responsible for anger and pain and loss?

I need a new trick at the gym besides 2-limb planks and one-legged squat/stands.

Off to dreamland!

Wordless Wednesday; 3 generations

Wordless Wednesday; Lifeline

Real Power

Thankfully, there was no reason to have *a discrimination suit* at workplace #2.

Tomorrow I will.be.slammed at workplace #1.

There are 3 generations of us under one roof right now.  So far so good.  Granny is in town so I can return to workplace #1....or #3 depending.  Past visits have been riddled with angst and competition and disappointment, but I have a firmer grasp now on what I *think* I can control...and all I can control is my own reactions.  I think she knows this about herself too now.

This is helpful along with the realization that we are not on this Earth forever together.  We're just trying to survive and get by; spinning around each day on a tilted axis, you know?  (and the Earth too).  Still.looking.for.perspective.  And peace.  Thankfully beauty and laughter are present.

Here's a song that popped up on my itunes.  It's a sweet remake of Huey Lewis':

Power of Love 5:19   The Early November Punk Goes 80's Alternative

It's what's on my mind right now.  Can love conquer all?  What is it "all" anyway?

Quoting:

"It's strong and it's sudden and it's cruel sometimes..."

"That's the power that makes the world go 'round...."

Bones to pick

On second thought, in reference to my post here:
Judgement Whore
...maybe I need to spend more time with my friends who:
1) don't allow me to feel sorry for myself and
2) share similar opinions
3) don't judge ME!

Tonight my glass of vino is a meritage from Napa County.  Oaky.  Thick.  Mouthy.  Meaty.  Could've been my dinner.  Or my date!

Tomorrow, before my workout, I'll be investigating the potential for *a discrimination suit* at my workplace #2.  THIS will be an interesting week.

My other career; and favorite Vivaldi

Concerto In G Minor for Violin, String Orchestra and Continuo, Op. 8, No. 2, RV 315, "L'estate" (Summer): I. Allegro Non Molto

as performed by Joshua Bell, Academy of St. Martin in the Fields & John Constable Vivaldi: The Four Seasons

This song makes me wish I had studied classical ballet and pointe for much longer than I did.  I am stronger now and more disciplined but I haven't heard of a 33year old ballerina so I'll stick with aerobics.

I am constructing my playlist for next week's water aerobics class and the "theme request" for our music was "Summer".   As an FYI this weekend's themes were colors and sunshine.

This song is beautiful and I think totally captures summertime no matter where you live.  In fact all the songs on my itunes when I search "summer" seem to be less than 100bpm.  That's right, slow.

 Vivaldi's "Summer" is slow and almost methodic, like taking steps in the desert in the obliterating midday heat.  Unknown birds and insects whine of the sun's oppression.  Like a group of aproned old women rocking on a wooden porch with glasses of icy sweet tea melting in their knuckl-y hands.  Then it picks up like you're on the back of a bumble bee or dragon fly, lighter than air; gossamer wings sparkling unknown hues of the rainbow in the hot direct sunlight.  The fast breeze that comes with flight is refreshing yet hard work.

Or you're at the beach watching lazy waves roll onto the seashore as children dirty themselves up in brown sand when the wind picks up and sends hats and buckets and sandwich wrappers flying.

Or anywhere else.

Peace returns.  Dogs are panting eagerly in jackets of shaded heat.  Their paws are caked with dried mud and keeping both eyes open begs of too much work.  They nose around in dry dirt for a reprieve; muzzles chocolated when an iridescent green-throated hummingbird appears at mach speed from nowhere.  Dancing among orange-trumpeted flowers, suspended in air seemingly wingless.  Nervous.  The dogs are too hot to notice.  What could be so necessary to justify that movement?  Fluttering away with the urgency of something imminent.  The heat remains unforgiving.

Afternoon clouds roll in from behind the Catalinas.  Wind rises.  The monsoon rains tease. Grey and spitting almost-refreshment, satiny ribbons of relief hardly reach the ground.  The winds return to dance with limber swaying trees.  Lost lovers reunited only for a brief, intense, sacred moment.  Rain returns with sadness and intensity to meet the needy deadline of all things to-be-living.  Her fingertips brush with the Earth's bare back.  A job.  Her duty.  A brief commitment cashed while falling from the heavens.  Freely plummeting to her end, rain potentiates life on the ground.

The days are long.  The nights are sleepless.  Rivers form, seas swell, plants and trees and flowers bloom.  Summer begins for its end, and to begin again.

*Thoughtful* Thursday

I think this blog is a hoot!
http://www.shitmykidsruined.com/

Enjoy!

Wordless Wednesday; Chalco the Crayon Eater

Appetite Analogy

Porn: Sex
Fast Food Megachain: Food

Thisssssss was Bound to happen Ssssssometime

Let me recap the first part of my evening for you.  G and I got home and I took her by the hand to walk around the north side of the house to pick a lemon for my green bean salad. 

Walking walking walking...

OH CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!

You didn't see him lying there either did you?  

Those of you who know me might be wondering if I was really wearing my camera for the trip to the lemon tree, which would not be unusual, but no.  I scooped up G and hightailed it into the house to get my camera and (almost) retrace my steps.

Trying to *stay calm* and make this a *learning* experience, I held G in my arms, a safe distance from the Rattler, and reviewed "owie" and "snake" and "ssssssssssssssssssssssss".  I think he was as long as G is tall.  Thankfully he was just chillin'...or warming up (technically).

Then he slowly slithered away into the front yard.  G waved him "bye bye".  We opted to play indoors after dinner rather than at the sandpile tonight!

Happy Trails Mr. Rattlesnake!