Sunday, April 18, 2010

Weekend Thoughts; Life is like a petting zoo

So I think life may be like a petting zoo and heaven might be the Super Walmart on Tangerine.

Admission is free to the petting zoo and it's total chaos.  Thankfully baby G navigated it with finesse and kisses for all those dirty animals.  I guess now I'm hoping my metaphor doesn't translate directly but...  Like animals of the four-legged-kind we eat and we poop and we step in our poop and we get sprayed with water when we misbehave or are too aggressive with others.  We look for food and attention and love and peace all in a little hay-lined,  ramshackle corral; with a roof thankfully.  People come in to our lives for a visit and some pictures and to feed us and kiss us and then they are gone.  They point and laugh with us and watch our silly behavior and want to know more about us and get close to us and are happy, maybe we make them happy, and we're overjoyed.  But then they leave and wash their hands.

Walmart on Tangerine is a mecca of sorts in this desert. No less than 4 walls with a roof and lighting and AIR CONDITIONING with a McDonalds and nail salon and hair salon and an opthalmalogist and a garden nursery and a grocery store and BATHROOMS and things for sale!  You could be born and die; you could spend your lifetime, in a Walmart with nary a need!  There ARE doorkeepers but everyone is welcome!  The greeters ask how you are doing and they'll give you a basket for all of the stuff you want to shop for, or to load your toddler into!  They want to make your experience easier and enjoyable.  The floors are polished clean and the goods for sale are organized into neat rows with signs.  There is no trash to be seen anywhere!  People have been hired to help you find what you need.  There are express lanes with express cashiers who, again, are helpful.  All you have to do is relax and enjoy yourself!

Like the petting zoo, Walmart does house some INTERESTING "creatures". I love that almost anyone can have a chance to work at Walmart it seems, upon first glance.   But in actuality everyone is there for a reason; they have been hired to be part of a team.  Walmart, hate it or love it, is a well-oiled machine.  Their response to Hurricane Katrina outpaced the US Government's attempt.  That.is.huge.

I don't have a tidy conclusion for this post.  I wouldn't want to spend my afterlife in a metaphorical fluorescent-lit, walled-in, deep freeze, no thank you to cryogenic suspension either, but it seemed like everyone who worked there, no matter their size, age, color, or disability, had that purposeful gleam in their eye.  That "I'm part of a bigger something" smile on their face.  A peacefulness like someone was patting them on the back in approval...yes a paycheck is great incentive.  That individuals of unsound mind or otherwise-incapable body were here, gainfully employed, is testament to Walmart's managers and visionaries and all of the coworkers on their team.

In reality we humans are animals.  We can be smelly and greedy and selfish and exactly like the inhabitants of the petting zoo; which is fine and I do prefer to be outside in some shade being handfed :)  But I want to be more than part of a traveling circus.  I want to be a part of that bigger something.  I think I'd like to be part of a team.  I hope I can make things easier for others.  Guess I oughta apply at Walmart ;)

Friday, April 16, 2010

Through the eyes of a child

Let me tell you what.  Baby G and her grandparents and I went to the county fair today and it.was.awesome!  I got her a safety/leader/harness...ok..dang it...pretty much a fancy dog leash but whatev. Don't judge unless you have my girl.  She actually loves it and so.do.I.

It was an epic day.  Overcast skies, windy, crowdless.  Room to walk.  Room to roll in the grass and dance all by ourselves to some live music!  Most importantly, we got to see and play with some of the animals we have only read about thus far!  Most notable was the petting zoo.  Many people/sayings/poems/Bible verses tell us to enjoy life like a child...to think of things like a child...to try and see the world through a child's eyes.  Let me tell you what.  Here's what it looks like!
I.AM.DYING!!!!!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Thank you; Doin' It Well !

So baby Girl's dual, repeated ear infections have cleared up.  Today during her follow up visit, her pediatrician told me to stay out of the sun, repeatedly.  Repeatedly, I retorted.  He said "You're to self-assured".  HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA!  But, I thanked him for his concern. :)

Saturday late night a young gentleman asked me if I was an athlete.  Our age difference is too large for him to have been hitting on me.  I told him the truth; I was a dancer and a cheerleader but not a competitive athlete.  But, I thanked him for the compliment.

I have had the privilege of making life choices based on love forever. According to Maslow's hierarchy that's a privilege.  That means at least my belly is full and I am safe.   I loved myself first and acted only for myself for way too long.   For the past 10 years I have been drowning myself trying to make the focus of my love different men; not at the same time thank you.  This is like a cyber thank you to the loved ones in my life; past and present for all of the lessons I have learned.  Now the focus of my love is my daughter.

Children are a gift that will change your life.  The pediatrician said "They'll make you more serious."   Maybe so but I already take myself way too seriously. The one lesson I have to keep re-learning, because I am stubborn, is thankfully the simplest to enjoy; I am not in control here.  This is the lesson that keeps me humble.  No need to worry or be afraid of what's happened, what is happening or what is going to happen.  Sweet!  Peace.  And to think I was wanting to be out of control anyway for the while before I got preggo.  WHAT.A.RELIEF!  This realization IS the answer to my prayers.  I hope that I'm doing whatever I'm (not) supposed to be doing well enough  ;)

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

If you love something...

This saying has been on my mind lately;  If you love something then let it go.  If it was yours it will come back to you....unless you rip its wings off and break its heart.
I made up the last part.
Unless said thing is a boomerang, is it going to come back for sure?  I guess a youngin would...while they are still young and have needs to be met by only you.  Maybe not when they are teenagers and adults with money and wheels.   Actually, I hope my girl grows up and flies away, but comes back to visit and hang out, b/c I've taught her to be free and independent.  I would want her to come back on her own free will if she wanted.
What about when accidents happen? What about when loved ones go off to fight wars?  Maybe it's not about physically letting go...
Dogs will usually return to you if they are fetching a ball you are throwing.  Cats return usually when food is to be had.  Kids and men too I guess.  Men will also return for a different sort of nourishment...
Do living things only "come back" to us because we are meeting their needs?  What if someone else is meeting their needs?  What if they are meeting their own needs?  Or wants?  Or desires?  How can you purposefully let the one you love go, for the chance of someone else to love them and meet their needs, better than you can?  Should you?  Surely that's insane.  Wouldn't it be more insane not to know?
I could ramble forever on this but the real question is...is anything really ever ours to have and own?  Maybe for a moment yes.  For a lifetime?  For more than a lifetime?  Will we be reunited with them after this lifetime?  What about tortured souls that are neither here nor there?
How can we own love?  Is the only pure test to let it go?  This sounds so ridiculous.  I guess we can't own love, we can only share it.
I'm glad this is out of my hands.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Boob Sandwich

Ladies- when it's time to get your mammos, get them done.  Seriously, it is no.big.deal.  Well, sans the radiation, but it is easier than going to the dentist I think.  I had my overdue follow up today and I am all clear.  The short story (always best) is that after my ruptured ectopic in Dec 2006, I had 2 rounds of mammos, a breast ultrasound (yes really) and a NEEDLE BIOPSY.  Now, after pregnancy and breastfeeding and a pending future (hopefully) boob job *at LEAST by the age of 40*, I knew I was overdue for some imaging.  Let me tell you that the boob sandwich is not a big deal and it's super quick.  You have nothing to fear!  Get this done!  Get your moms and sisters and aunts to get this done!

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Man Spanx; I just wanted to say it!

From Perez Hilton:
http://cocoperez.com/?from=PH&p=52016

HILARIOUS...but totally a good idea!